tv Larry King Live CNN September 24, 2010 12:00am-1:00am EDT
>> larry: tonight -- >> my final appearance on the larry king show. >> larry: jerry seinfeld. he kept one of hollywood's most buzzed about secrets until tonight. the comic reveals the true identity -- >> a total shock. >> come on, jerry, please, please, please, please, please. >> larry: someone we have only read about. >> it was a nom deplume.
>> larry: one of the funniest men on the planet is here. jerry seinfeld is next on "larry king live." >> larry: good evening. i have to say this jerry seinfeld is an actor, author, comedian. >> keep going. >> larry: he is making his broadway debut directing with comedian cauline quinn's one-man show, "long story short, history of the world in 75 minutes." and he wrote the forward to an all-new "letters from a nut" one of the funniest books you'll ever read. and tonight to, he will reveal the secret author a little later. jerry has been a frequent guest, long-time friend to this show.
watch, we will show you some examples. >> look at this piece of junk. look at this camera. look at this. this is like, you know, like a 4.95 opening act. you are a headliner now. this is a nice weather map you have here. this looks like a game of risk. >> larry: what about financial success? you don't have financial worries? >> no. >> larry: how has that changed you? you can buy anything you see. >> yeah. i want that clock. here is the question. >> larry: go ahead. >> who is the victim? where is the victim here? you are all a victim. >> larry: like qvc, doesn't it? what else. what else is in it? >> not all you get. you get the knives. >> larry: what do you make of our earlier conversation which bumped you 20 minutes? >> i can't tell you how flattered i am that it takes the president's generals to push me back 20 minutes. i mean that's how big a star i am. that shot of you and cattenburg, nose to nose, i have not seen that since i left hebrew school. >> you know, a larry king in the
human world too, too. >> a common name. next on larry king can. >> a show like you, suspenders, different dots behind him, old-guy glasses and quotes along the bottom from the guest you're watching. >> not even a new one with. you tape this in your luggage? oh, boy. what a budget. good-bye, clock. get another one. >> larry: we used it frequently until seinfeld's last appearance then couldn't afford another. why did you take our clock? >> larry this is my final appearance on "larry king live" show. >> larry: "larry king live" leaves in december. >> you will be here. i'm going. because this is my final appearance. >> larry: no. >> i have in my hand. >> larry: what? >> a clock that i am going to give you. it's the cheapest clock i could find. it's $3.
but i wanted a clock that looked most like the clock that you usually have on this show, which i could never even conceive that you don't know what time it is or you need to -- so, i'm replacing the clocks that i have been stealing all these years. i am putting one down. and it has got a snooze. can you get a shot of that? it has got a snooze, because when you get older, that's what counts. >> larry: this clock shall be a permanent part of "larry king live," embellished in our hearts. >> the smithsonian. >> larry: go to the smithsonian when we send the set over. by the way, what prompted you to take it the first time? >> it is just annoying that a big-time, big-shot guy like you has a piece of chazarai like that. it offended me. chazarai by the way. in the midwest it's an inexpensive item. >> larry: that's correct.
you are going to put the rumors to rest tonight about who wrote "letters from a nut." >> yes. >> larry: who was identified as ted l. nancy, a nom deplume. >> a nom of plume. now this idea of this character started 15 years ago. and when the idea arose we decided to keep it a secret, who was writing these letters. >> larry: and tonight -- >> tonight, you will meet the person who has conceived of this entire character. and it was really thought of -- we did it as kind of a gag, just for ourselves to have fun and the books took off. and there's been, i think, four or five of them now, best sellers and never intended to be that. >> larry: the trouble with the book called trouble, you can't read it without breaking up. we will read some letters later. writes crazy letters to people. >> and they answer him. >> larry: writes to hotels, businesses, corporations.
>> people are so afraid of offending a customer now, no matter what he he asks them for, says, well, we don't know if we can have -- >> larry: we will reveal that in a little while. why did you choose "larry king live" to reveal it? >> i have to be honest with you. >> larry: please. >> this is the funniest show on tv. >> larry: what? >> this show makes no sense. that you sit here and ask these questions night after night and nobody answers them and nobody cares and it goes on and on and on and you sit here and you look like you're ready to order, this is what this show looks like to me on tv is a guy in a deli waiting to order. the only thing missing on the show is a menu. i always think you're going to look up and go, "is the corned beef lean? is it lean?" >> larry: so, you have chosen us? >> because this show is funny. do i want to do the "60 minutes"
funny? no. >> larry: so you see me with president carter, you laugh? >> yeah. >> larry: you laugh? >> yeah. because it's -- you know -- you're like an uncle that cornered somebody at a thanksgiving dinner and you just start peppering them with questions and they are -- holding a piece of cake and they can't get away. and you keep asking them questions and they are avoiding the answers and that's who you are. you are like an annoying relative that people love. but you are annoying. >> larry: okay. you -- by the way, i was honored to appear in "bee movie." >> i loved you in "bee movie." tell you why you were in "bee movie." you have been in more movies -- >> larry: 26 i think. >> than any talk show host. >> larry: i broke a record. >> that is because the show makes no sense. >> larry: that's why they want me. >> that's why they want you. but we thought there's something about, if there was a fantasy universe where bees lived, talked like people, no matter
what universe you could conceive of, there would be some version of larry king there. that's how omni present you are. >> larry: omni present? >> so much a part of culture. the idea of a world with no larry king is inconceivable, which is why cnn will change their mind before this season is over, before, what is it december 18th? >> larry: 16th. >> 16th? it will go to the 18. that's how strong you're going at this point. >> larry: you are on a role. by the way, you directed me in "bee movie." >> i did. >> larry: of all the movies i do, you were the most, maybe next to warren beatty in "bull worth" who drove me crazy. you were the most involved director. changing scripts, little lines. >> i am an artist. i noticed. i -- i wanted -- i wanted -- you weren't quite giving me larry
king. >> larry: that's right. you needed more. >> too much larry, not enough king. too much king. less larry. >> larry: will you do a sequel? >> to "bee movie"? no. >> larry: why not? >> in case you haven't noticed, if you look at my career and you see what i do, being a standup comedian aside, i do things and then i just walk away. have you noticed that? and i never go back. do you think i'll do another t sitcom? >> larry: no. >> no. can we roll the clip, by the way, of you asking me, it was my favorite one, one of your producers asked me, what was my favorite moment of being on larry king. my favorite moment was when you asked me if my show was canceled. do you remember that? >> larry: you got ticked. >> no i was joking. >> larry: you were acting. >> but a big internet sensation, you know, because people thought i really was upset. >> larry: but, yeah, did you it pretty good and then we were on conan the next night. both of us were on conan. >> that's right. >> larry: the cast of "seinfeld"
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>> is getting married. how am i gonna wear this? i can't wear this. >> hey, this looks better than anything you own. i'm out. >> you faked with me? >> yep. >> you faked with me? >> yes. >> no. >> yes. >> what about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming? >> fake, fake, fake, fake. >> you want bread? >> yes, please. >> $3! >> what? >> no soup for you! >> larry: that's too funny. the cast of "seinfeld" recently reunited on "curb your inthuziasm." let's look at behind the scenes footage as they all walk onto the set. >> it was a year ago. >> larry: let's watch. let's go back in time. >> oh, all right.
oh, my god. wow. >> you got granite countertops. >> upgrade. >> oh. this is the thing. >> this is the thing. >> the experience of walking up and seeing the sets was interesting. the coffee shop set is exactly the same. >> frank, take one, easy mark. >> what's wrong? >> what's wrong? >> what's wrong? >> i kept thinking about the moment when i would stand in the kitchen and lean against that counter again. >> what is with the blackberry people. >> i couldn't believe i was going to do that again. >> hello, newman. >> i'm just really enjoying performing with larry, because he was always there with us but we never got to do a scene together. so now we are doing scenes together it is just fantastic. >> larry: what was that like to go back. >> it was mind boggling. it was mind boggling, because, you know, they rebuilt the set and we were all there. and so, you know this is 12 years ago. you walk away. it is like if you go back to
your old neighborhood, you can see the neighborhood but if you go back to your old house, it is not the same. so it was the same. so, we got to really go back in time. >> larry: how do you explain the success of "curb your enthusiasm" with. >> just a really good show. >> larry: brilliant. >> a brilliant show. and larry has all the gifts. you know? he knows how to write. he knows how to cast. he is funny himself, it is one of my fraverate shows. >> larry: how did "seinfeld" come about? >> it came about because nbc had talked to me about doing a show and i was standing in "catch a rising star" on first avenue in 1988 with larry david and i said, so nbc is talking to me about you know that they might want to do something and i can't think of anything to do. then we go across the street to a korean deli and we are buying some food to eat, some, you know, junk, you know, chips and things and we start making fun of everything. and he goes this is what the show should be, two comedians just talking. and that's what we started with.
>> larry: and did nbc -- was it a hit from the get go? >> no. no. four years. four years. >> larry: really? >> yeah. it had good demographics. in other words, we had a good audience that was sort of whatever the advertisers want but we did have very low ratings, very low ratings. >> larry: you continue now to do your stand up? you play vegas? how many times a year? >> i do about 100 shows a year. that many? >> yeah. all over the country. >> larry: new material? >> not all the time. as much as i can. >> larry: but a lot? you write all your own -- >> i write all my own stuff. yep. wanna hear a joke? >> larry: yeah. do a joke. do a joke. say something funny. a-ha. >> the worst set up for a comedian and you know it. any guy in a deli knows that you don't tell a comedian to be funny. >> larry: back in the deli. >> i love you in the deli. i don't know why this is not a deli set there should be sandwiches here and waiters walking with around.
because that's where you belong in a deli. >> larry: this is the world. >> speaking of food. >> larry: i'm going to get to that in a minute. >> sorry to go out of order. you want to hear a joke. two peanuts were walking along and one was assaulted. >> oh, man. >> larry: the secret revealed, next. e vitamins your body need. like vitamin d. plus omega 3's. there's one important ingredient that hasn't changed: better taste. [ female announcer ] eggland's best. better taste. better nutrition. the better egg.
>> larry: "letters from a nut"by ted l. nancy with an introduction by you. >> yeah. >> larry: explain this. is there a guy named ted nancy? >> there is but i never met him. >> larry: he gets a big cut of this book. >> i know a guy who knows him. i have never met. >> larry: the hero of this book? he wrote all the letters? >> yeah. yeah. >> larry: and that was a little falsehood there, because in a minute, you are going to meet who the real ted nancy is with a new edition of "letters from a nut." first, another first. >> one of the things that is great about being me -- >> larry: among many, yes. >> among many, is i get to present people that i love, that have great talents and great things and i get -- i use you to do this. >> larry: i'm your prop? >> yes. i wouldn't say prop. i would say you're my -- >> larry: i'm your idol.
>> you're my idol, if that helps you. so, tonight is three people that i'm really here to talk about because i don't talk about myself. not about me. >> larry: i know. >> and this, for the first time, my wife had a huge hit book. >> larry: unbelievable. >> two years ago called "deceptively delicious", i thought of the title. but she did everything else and it was a giant hit and finally come out with a sequel. now, i know that your wife loves this book. >> larry: loved it. >> and i know you drove all around san francisco. >> larry: the last copy they had. >> i got the first copy of the sequel, which has never been seen anywhere before this appearance on "larry king live." here it is, "double delicious" and it is signed from my wife to your wife, shawn, warmest regards, jessica. >> larry: wow with. and this book is in stores when? >> i think you can buy it now.
>> larry: okay. jessica seinfeld, "double delicious," you saw it here first. >> she is not here. >> larry: no. >> she is going to be on oprah next month. >> larry: good. i have heard of that show, too. she goes to oprah and you come to me, i like that. >> yeah. another one. nobody can hold a job around here. >> larry: do a show together, a network on in a deli. >> the most exciting thing tonight, go ahead. >> larry: jerry read one of my favorite letters in 1997 when he was here about, of all thing, mickey mantle's toenails. watch. >> this is a letter to the national baseball hall of fame museum in cooperstown. >> larry: my kind of place. >> i have a valuable which i would like to dough knit to the great hall of fame in cooperstown. in 1960, i was an employee in a hotel in miami where mr. mickey mantle was staying. when i was setting up a room service tray, i saw him clipping his toenails. i watched out of the corner of his eye, he clipped every toe and then called out of the room and at that moment i dropped to the carpet and secured all the
toenails that had been clipped off. there are almost ten nails, nine and some shavings, but a full set. >> larry: they answered? >> they answered. "dear mr. nancy, we are very interested in your story of the mickey mantle toenails." this is the hall of fame in cooperstown. >> larry: correct. >> they want the nails. they want them. >> larry: all right. that's -- all these are nutty letters. jerry, who's with you here? >> now, the man sitting next to me, the reason i am bringing him out tonight, is because in the 15 years since we have been doing this, the internet has started up and a lot of people have been out there taking credit for these letters. >> larry: oh, really? >> and saying i wrote the books and they are for sale on my site and, because of the internet and you know what that is all about,
it was time to reveal the mystery. it is his fifth book coming out. ladies and gentlemen, the real author of "letters from a nut" is barry p. martyr, sitting next to me, who has been a colleague of mineb for over 25 years. >> larry: what way? he writes? >> a comedian. a comedy writer. >> larry: how have you lived, in anonymity with all this famous books, you know you did them. >> well, i don't know how to answer that. >> let's just move on. >> larry: thanks to barry. we will have you back soon. december 17th, you will be back. >> i started them. it got out of hand. >> larry: you did them on a lark? >> i did them 16 years ago in '94. >> the frito's bag. >> the way it happened i was sitting with my girlfriend, phyllis murphy, 4:00 in the
morning. watching television and i was mindlessly sitting on a chair eating a bag of fritos. >>. >> larry: don't interrupt him, he's on a roll. >> write fritos we want to hear from you. she was looking at me. >> larry: did you write to them? >> not at that point. at that point, i just kind of, you know, draft adler, then the next day, i noticed that these, you know, president's messages were all over, i had some bon-ami cleanser, a thing on the side, a smudgy stamp from the president, hey, you got some issues, we want to hear from you from bon-ami. tell us what is on your mind, signed gordon bukar, ii. >> larry: get a break, come back and if you can remember the first letter. and we are going to read some of the new ones. more with jerry and barry after the break. ♪
who are changing the face of business in america. after 25 years in the aviation business, i kind of feel like if you're not having fun at what you do, then you've got the wrong job. my landing was better than yours. no, it wasn't. yes, it was. was not. yes, it was. what do you think? take one of the big ones out? nah.
>> larry: do you remember your first letter? >> gosh, been 15 years. >> larry: did you write to feet toes? >> i did. >> larry: what did you did them? >> i bought a bag of fritos, i described them, they were all curled and crunchy and salty and hard, i threw the bag away with. i bought another bag, it was curled and crunchy and hard and i said help me, fritos, help me. and then i just -- i even wrote to the bon an ami guy.
i said your name was smushd and smudged, and gordon bukar the third or fifth or the fifth guy named gordon bukar, the bon-ami thing. what a weird life he's got. we communicated. >> larry:'s little nuts, your friend? >> a little? let me read you a letter he wrote to the oakland chamber of commerce. >> larry: oakland chamber of commerce. >> i want to come to your city for the tiny man convention. let me be clear, we are not midgets, small persons, dime, petiteos or fun size. we are tiny men. i would like to buy ticket toes pert form maps of tiny bennett. this is a tiny man that sings like tony bennett. they write him back. dear mr. nancy, we could not find any information on a show appearing with mr. tiny bennett. but i attached a schedule for tony.
he writes back to them. i told you, it's not tiny, it's small mccartney. he is a fun-sized man that looks like paul mccartney and the correspondents goes back and forth. >> larry: they answer? >> they answer. afraid of losing a customer. >> larry: they answer because they fear? >> yeah. yeah. >> fear. >> larry: let's do another one. this is about -- this is about opening a sandwich stand in a casino bathroom. do you have that? >> yes. >> larry: okay. read this letter. >> you want too read it? >> you read t. >> all right. i will read it. >> larry: who is it to? >> to the chinook winds indian casino. i want to sell ham sandwiches in your restrooms. you once had a sign on the restroom mirror that says we have the potty melt. can you direct me to what office i would contact to request casino credit? they reply, dear mr. nancy, we thank you for your interest but at this time, we are not flood putting any businesses in the restrooms. we have five food outlets for our customers.
thank you for considering us, but at this time, we are fine. >> larry: what do you make -- your mind is wild. >> i think so. >> larry: yeah. i mean, you are -- you know you're a little nuts? >> what do you think the craziest one you ever wrote? >> larry: mickey mantle wasn't bad. >> mickey mantle was crazy. >> hamster dam. >> larry: what was that? >> i had written a letter to a hotel in amsterdam, i said i am staging my play in amsterdam and need to know what plays i need. my play is called "hamster dam", telling the history of your beautiful city using hamsters. i need to bring 300 loose hamsters into your hotel and have them live in the room with me for 12 nights. the hotel replied our hotel cannot accommodate 300 hamsters in a room. i wrote them back. i understand your concern about keeping 300 hamsters in my room it is wrong. i now realize this is a disease
issue. that is why i have decided to restage my hamster dam play it is now called am officer clam it involves a telling of your beautiful city using clams. i will check in with 500 clams and have them live in the room with me. clams are not like filthy halt establi halt, they are wet. please alert housekeeping so when they open the door, they can spray. >> larry: now, we have heard about your request to bring an ice machine to a hotel? >> we had other better ones. >> larry: all right. >> i like the one where you wanted to -- >> larry: the new letters from a nut. >> hold it up, larry. that's how we get sales. >> larry: okay. okay, one more. >> i like this one that i, you know, i wrote to a -- i was trying to get a sign made, i am opening a business next a restaurant. my business is called i am the walrus and i need one big sign next to them so them that says i am the walrus kookooroo. >> larry: hey, you are a genius much. >> that is awfully nice. >> larry: thanks for introducing
him to the world. all you people on the internet. here he is. >> finally, the mystery is over. >> larry: the name is barry martyr, the book is all new, "letters from a nut" by ted l. nancy. this is ted nancy. jerry stays with us. we will be right back. to workn than tylenol 8 hour. so why am i still thinking about this? how are you? good, how are you? [ male announcer ] aleve. proven better on pain. you're one of the 50 million americans with frequent heartburn. did you know, with prilosec otc, you can stop frequent heartburn before it starts? heartburn happens when stomach acid refluxes, or backs up into the esophagus. this causes the burning sensation in your chest, known as heartburn. with just one pill a day, prilosec otc treats frequent heartburn for 24 hours, providing all-day and all-night protection. here's how it works -- prilosec otc's unique delayed-release system protects the medicine as it passes through the stomach's tough acid. the medicine then gets absorbed into the body,
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relationship? she wants this guy to get rid of a sofa and she has got her husband's old prosthetic leg. are you kidding? >> the couch they had sex on, the plastic leg, it is a recipe for disaster. >> it is getting weirder. it is getting weirder. >> so moronic, i don't even want to help them. >> that is from jerry's show, "the marriage ref." ricky gervais, madonna, larry david. what qualified them to give advice? how did you come up with this? >> i love talking about marriage fights. i find them funny and i love to hear how people respond to other people's -- or people's marital issues are comedy for the world. >> larry: not yours? >> not mine. no. and not yours. >> larry: no, not mine. but theirs. >> theirs. anybody else, it makes you laugh. so i just thought it would be fun to have a show with funny people coming on and talking
about marriage, it seems to provoke natural comedy. >> larry: when is it on? >> coming back on nbc next year. >> larry: not on the early winter? >> i don't know what they do, but they are starting to shoot them now, the next season. >> larry: explain television to me. >> it is like -- >> larry: like seinfeld, you lasted four years without being a hit? doesn't happen today. >> i don't know about that don't you believe quality always survives somehow? >> larry: you really believe that? >> you busted out laughing at that? quality survives always. you believe in that? >> larry: television network would stick with a show having anything that's good. eventually somehow finds its way. you have to believe this or you don't go into this business, right? >> larry: guess so, yeah. it can be disappointing when you have to deal with -- >> larry: always had success? >> always.
>> larry: how do you deal with the suits in the business? >> the suits? the lawsuits or guys wearing suits? >> larry: the guys at the -- >> i agree with them. like a wife. you agree. you say that makes perfect sense. from now on, we are going to do it that which and then you do whatever you want. >> larry: cause the suits -- >> they don't know. they don't even watch their own network. >> larry: you agree with them, call them in, a "seinfeld" episode they didn't like, you tell them, okay, we will change it. >> when we were doing "seinfeld" they would come in and say we don't understand what you are doing. but go ahead. that was the way "seinfeld" worked. >> larry: why did it work? >> it worked because there was a very loyal, powerful audience out there that loved what we did, no matter, and no matter how crazy it was, they stuck with us. and the networks, they do watch that and they understand that. so even though they didn't get it they knew the audience got it and the audience liked it. so we were free. and that's the ultimate thing in this business, when you're free to do whatever you want. that's the ultimate. >> larry: you have attained that now? >> i have.
well, obviously. i don't need to be here. i'm here because i'm free to do whatever i want. >> larry: so you actually chose to come here? >> i choose to come. i am no place that i don't want to be. >> larry: what time do you wake up? what do you do in the morning? what do you do? >> do you really know? i have three kids. >> larry: that's enough. >> they are 9, 7 and 5. when you have three kids it is like having a blender but you don't have the top. you wake up ready. you hit the ground ready. so i wake up and i have breakfast with the kids and we watch elmo. and people say, are you ever going to do another tv series and i say, i watch elmo every morning and he jumps around and he tells jokes or she, i don't even know what the hell this thing is and i watch elmo every morning and i think, you know what let him bust his little red ass. >> larry: jerry is here from broadway. broadway is next. ring ring. progresso.
joined by colin quinn, colson comedian, writer and new broadway show "long story short, history of the world in 75 minutes" debuts you said november 9th? >> that's 13 days after jerry's wife's book really comes out. >> larry: october's 26th. >> 28th. >> 26th, jerry. >> 26th. >> larry: why are you producing a broadway show? >> i'm directing, larry. directing. i wear a cape. i have a beret. i have a cane. >> sits like this in the third
row. >> i don't know. >> larry: how did this come about? >> this is a great story. we started this in the spring, right? we were sitting around. we have breakfast together, colin and i multiple times a week. like you, you go to nate and al's, right? we have a place here, not going to mention the name. >> not the diner from "seinfeld." >> larry: okay. >> and i said to him, you know what you should do, you should do a one-man show, because one of the things that a comedian has that no other person, an actor doesn't have, is if you don't feel like dealing with networks or producers, you can go right to the audience and present what you do. and he was looking to do something, thinking of television and movies, talking to people, having meetings and it gets annoying. let's just do a one-man show where you can just go out and do your thing. >> larry: what is "the history of the world in 75 minutes"? >> jerry wasn't done. larry, the history of world in
75 minutes -- >> he goes and writes this thing. >> larry: oh, colin, i don't know why you're laughing. >> i don't know. >> larry: what is the history -- >> nobody is paying attention. ask barry to read this letter, i don't want to read that one, i want to read another one with. let him get away with it. i'm larry king. should have said, barry. >> larry: i don't care. >> jerry is on fire tonight. >> larry: he is cooking. >> rolling tonight. >> larry: what is "history of the world in 75 minutes." >> just that exactly what it is. >> what is it you don't get about that? >> larry: begin with genesis? >> no. >> no. >> way before that. >> no offense, i start with the new testament. no, i'm kidding. but we start -- we start with the cavemen. we get to genesis in a way. >> larry: caveman? >> the birth of larry king, right after that. >> larry: oh. >> oh, i'm sorry. excuse me. excuse me for making fun of anything.
>> greeks first. >> larry: a one-man show, what do you do tell him, move to the left, stand there, what do i do? >> that's what i do. exactly that, move to the left. >> the director direct a ten-person show say? move to the left. >> who do you have to know to get a latte around here? >> larry: all a monologue, right? background scenes? >> background scenes, bunch of background stuff, music and lighting. >> but colin really has a very -- he is very smart. he doesn't seem smart. he is very intelligent. he is well read and he knows about culture and, you know, different -- >> larry: he is smart. >> really smart. yeah. >> erudite. the fact i know the word erudite tells you i'm smart. >> he knows about serbian empires and ottomans. >> larry: will the public get it? >> it is a comedy. i know comedy. he is smart. >> larry: does he know empires? >> no, i don't know half of what we are talking about. >> larry: why are we going to laugh?
>> we present it as a comedy. it is a comedy telling of the history of the world in 75 minutes. is that clear, larry? >> larry: did you write it all? >> yes, he wrote the whole thing. >> larry: you are the director. >> i'm director. have you ever seen -- >> larry: i'm nervous. >> this doesn't look like broadway to you. >> larry: no. no. >> thinking broadway? maybe off-broadway. >> tommy tune christmas. >> larry: are you nervous about opening night? >> we are terrified. >> larry: are you in rehearsal? >> sure, rehearsal, we rehearsed yesterday. >> larry: you're new to 75 minutes you know what you're doing, no intermission, i guess? >> no intermission. >> here is the great appeal, why you would love a show like this. i could be at dinner by 9:00. >> that's right. asleep by 12. >> larry: you could pitch this easy to people. get out early. >> we will get you the hell out of there. yes. that is why people love this show. >> larry: you really like it if
they look at their watch? >> yeah. >> larry: that means you're succeeding. >> i apologize if it's 76 minutes. >> he has been on a roll. i'm not going to make it to the next segment. be honest. >> larry: no, you're not. but november 9th -- helen hayes theater. >> do you know how rare it is? you know a little bit about this business, we started in -- how many seats down there in 45 bleaker? 100. 100-seat theater, investors came in, they loved the show, said -- we didn't want to take it to broadway, we were just screwing around. and they go this is a broadway show. we went, really? yeah, we will put up all the money. it is true. >> larry: you didn't put up any of -- >> no! well -- >> larry: good luck, colin. >> thank you, larry. >> larry: we will be back with more of this. by the way, if you understand this please send us a card, i understand this at cnn. don't go away.
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ten for 2010. >> i'm anderson cooper. all year we've been introducing you to our cnn heroes. everyday people changing the world. today we're announcing the top ten cnn heroes for 2010. the honorees are -- guadalupe arizpe de la vega, providing health care in juarez, mexico. susan burton, her re-entry program helps female exconvicts get back on their feet. linda fondren, she's brought her community together to shed pounds. narayanan kristan serves meals to homeless by hand. magnus mcfar lane bare row feeds homeless children every day. aki ra finds and different fused
land mines by the khmer rouge. and dan wallwrath who builds custom homes for wounded veterans returning home from service. congratulations, the top ten heroes of 2010. which inspires you the most? go to cnn heroes.com to file your vote. >> larry: okay, jerry, follow that. you like our heroes concept. >> i do. that's beautiful. >> larry: it's nice to salute people. >> that's the classiest thing on cnn. that's great. that's great. no jokes. >> larry: have you done heroic things ever? >> what was this? >> larry: this is a heroic thing? >> this is like a medevac. i'm a comedian with no audience, that's, you know -- >> larry: but there's people here. >> yeah, i guess.
but i would say to you, what's funny about this show is there's no audience but you can still bomb. can you still go right down in jokes. >> larry: when's your next in-person appearance? >> i'm in memphis tomorrow night, friday. >> larry: memphis. >> memphis, tennessee. the good people of memphis. >> larry: big theater? >> it's a hundred seater. of course it's a big theater. it's a huge theater. i don't know what it is. >> larry: truly, do you ever bomb any more? are you too big to bomb? >> no one's too big to bomb. >> larry: so you -- bob hope said you have them for the first minute. >> you get a free minute. if you're well known. but after -- nobody, as i like to say, nobody laughs at a reputation. if you're funny that night, they laugh. if you're not, they don't. they want to say, i went to see this guy. he bombed. they're dying to tell that story. >> larry: how so comforting you are. >> yes.
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>> larry: wish we had more time, jer. when we did the scene in the bee movie, you pulled up in one of the wildest looking cars. you're a car freak. >> total car nut. >> larry: how many cars do you own? >> more than i need. >> larry: why? you only need one to get somewhere. why? >> because when you're in a car, you're inside, and you're outside. and you're moving and you're still, all at the same time. >> larry: you're moving and you're still. >> you're moving and you're still and you're inside and you're outside. >> larry: so why do you need four of them or five of them? >> because i -- i love that experience of -- >> larry: what's your favorite car? >> my favorite car is a porsche
73 rs that only a porsche fanatic would know. >> larry: what does it do? >> it has a certain sound, a certain feel. >> larry: are you a fast driver? >> i drive reasonably -- >> larry: you live in the city of new york? >> i live in new york city. >> you drive around new york city? >> i leave, i go outside the city and i drive. >> larry: i don't know why that's -- you have space to park all these cars? >> i have a little garage i keep my cars. i keep most of the cars someplace else. i'm not telling the thieves where they are. >> larry: you lived in l.a. for a while, didn't you? >> for 18 years. from 1980 until the end of the show in 1998, then i came right back to new york because i believe new york makes you funny. and l.a. makes you less funny. >> larry: why? why would a city -- >> some cities are funny. do you ever watch the local news
in new york and they interview a garbage man? he's always funny, right? >> larry: that's right. not funny in l.a.? >> not funny. garbagemen aren't funny in l.a. >> larry: what's another funny city? >> minneapolis is funny, miami is funny. wouldn't you agree? >> larry: miami is funny. >> tijuana is funny. >> larry: is new haven funny? >> new haven is not funny. >> larry: toronto. >> funny. >> montreal? >> less funny. >> larry: you've got to be so hip to get this, the band will get it. do you have any goals left? you've got a broadway show, books. >> i wasn't kidding you. i love these people i brought on the show tonight. i love these people. i think they're great talents and that is my goal. that the public should connect with this, this talent, that it hasn't quite been discovered yet. so that's my goal for barry and colin. >> larry: and you'll succeed because you're a good guy and you're a funny guy. >> thank you, larry. and you're a great man. and we thank you for all your years of service. >> larry: and thanks for the